e23 News Archive: June 2008

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June 30, 2008: Neat Game, Little Weird

Statosphere is an expertly written pile of words and phrases that are sure to excite you, amaze you, entertain you, and possibly even awestrike you.

. . . yeah, okay, so I have no idea what I'm talking about. But I mean, dude, seriously, have you ever read an Unknown Armies book? They always spin my tiny lizard brain around like an iPhone in a blender. And then I have to go lie down for a while.

I'm sure the book's great, though!

-- Fox Barrett

June 29, 2008: Covenant Covet

Want to know how the upper half of the magus community is kicking it?

Triamore: The Covenant at Lucien's Folly will show you the most intimate of intimates about, well, Triamore (as one might expect). But that's not all! Sure, it's most, but certainly isn't all. All would mean that you didn't get information about the ins and outs of the whole dang covenant/manors/village paradigm.

Wait, did I just use the word "paradigm?" I gotta get out more. You, just, go buy the book. It's pretty cool.

-- Fox Barrett

June 28, 2008: Free! (Willy Optional)

If you're looking for some animals to populate your twenty-sided gaming habit, I say unto you that you need look no further than Animal Archives. I say this not to entice you into my spider-like web of advertising.* No, I say this because you can see for yourself just how darn neato this line is.

Point your web browser over this way for a free sample of this animaliscious product. Once it's worked its subtle mind-control mojo on you, check out the rest of the line for slightly-less-free additional beasties.

I don't know what a theropod even is, but I bet it'd scare the metal pants off unwitting dungeon divers.

*(That's a lie, of course, I totally do)

-- Fox Barrett

June 27, 2008: All Greek To Me

Or is that Latin? I'm honestly not sure. Really, it could be Martian and I wouldn't know. Oh, sorry, you're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about.

Hey! Check it out! GURPS Infinite Worlds: Collegio Januari! Cool, huh? It's only 18 pages, sure, but it's chock full of good times. Here's the deal: so GURPS Infinite Worlds is a sci-fi setting. But it needn't be! No sir, in keeping with the generinature of GURPS, one could always view this world-hopping setting through another lens.

Like, oh, I don't know, maybe a fantasy one?

-- Fox Barrett

June 26, 2008: Because Humility Is Good For The Soul

And what better to humble your players with than a monster they're certain they know inside and out, only to find that you've fed the thing steroids, kept it in a tiny box for a week without food, and made it listen to death metal the whole time.

So, y'know, it's pretty angry.

That's the idea behind Blackdyrge’s Templates. (Um, well, sort of.) It's a series of helpful templates you can apply to the tried-and-tried stock found in monstrous manuals. Got a ghost? Why not give that ghost a suit of armor, a very big pointy object, and a whoooooole lot of mad? That'll learn those cheeky adventurers. Where's your +2 mace of orc smiting now, huh?!

-- Fox Barrett

June 25, 2008: Don't Just Have Arms. Master Them.

Regular readers of these ("juvenile?" "Brutish?" "Bizzare?") entertaining little pieces of digital scribeination I compose in the e23-shaped corner of cyberspace will know that I am nothing if not a man profoundly amused by violence. (Also, there's a penchant for run-ons and parentheticals.) Such a reader might expect, then, that a product line all about the many a varied ways you could give unsuspecting monsters the consistency of Jell-O with your pain implement of choice would be right up my alley.

Such a reader would not be wrong.

Master at Arms has, among many other lovely prestige classes, one called the Crimson Pugilist. This guy's schtick is that he punches people. Like, really hard. And that's it. He's so good at just popping people in the jaw that he made a class out of it. Sure, he wears gloves. Gloves with spikes on them. So yeah, this one gets my seal of approval.

-- Fox Barrett

June 23, 2008: Vile. Adjective.

You'll have to excuse me, I need to look these sorts of things up sometimes. Probably has something to do with that whole "never learned how to read" thing. Anyway.

Vile. Adjective. According to American Heritage "Loathsome; disgusting; unpleasant or objectionable." Ew. That doesn't sound very nice at all. Okay, now let's have a look at the name of this product line. "None So Vile." Oh, dear. Well, that doesn't sound very nice at all!

Wait, what's this here? A "Doomsayer"? Okay, I don't need a dictionary to tell me that that is awesome. "Soul harvester?" Wow. Yeah, nevermind what I said earlier. None So Vile is okay in my book.

-- Fox Barrett

June 22, 2008: Abra-Ka-Boom!

Using one's colossal eldritch might for the betterment of mankind is, in a word, dull. Curing disease, feeding the hungry, and uniting bitter rivals doesn't make for good television. Not . . . that wizards have TV, but that's beside the point! The point is, blowing stuff up is just crazy fun. And nobody blows things up better than a spell-slinger hopped up on his own ego.

Thus, Mage Wars. You and your arcane energies are poised to rule whatever it is you feel like ruling today if you can just put down all those other reality-benders outside.

Maybe it'll work out, maybe it won't. Either way, you're gonna blow up a whooooooole lot o' stuff. And that's the important bit.

-- Fox Barrett

June 21, 2008: A'right Youse Mugs

Now here's how it's gonna go down, see? You're gonna go over to that web page, you're gonna order y'self one 'o dem GURPS High-Tech: Pulp Guns, Volume 1 PDFs, and den you're gonna go for a little ride with us. We're gonna explain, real gentleman-like, the benefits of our protection services, and we may need to be ready to give a demonstration.

. . . and, that's about the extent of my pulpy 20's dialect. Sorry folks. As a consolation, I'll throw in a "palooka," "copper," and "rod."

Now, while it won't help sell this excellent book, I do have some delightfully southern tinted speech. If ya'll would be ammenable, I reckon I could - hey wait, come back!

-- Fox Barrett

June 20, 2008: Tabletop Too!

I mentioned the other day that Blackdirge was running a sale. Well, in an effort to prove that, indeed, this town is big enough for the two of us, e23 has a second sale going on right now as well! Our good and dear friends at Tabletop Adventures have decided to mark down all their products 25%! The sale runs from now through June 25th , and it applies to every darn thing they sell here.

Amazing! Two sales, simultaneously occupying one website? Doesn't that violate some fundamental law of physics or something? Who knows? Who cares! With a full quarter of the price of Tabletop's catalog sliced away and cast into a box that says "Do Not Open Until June 26," you really should only be concerning yourself with all the money you're going to save if you snatch up these books sooner rather than later.

You should probably also be concerned about all my run-on sentences. One of these days they're gonna kill someone.

-- Fox Barrett

June 19, 2008: Not A Spook, Just Spook-Y

Decrepit remains of an old mansion. Disused well. Massive dead tree. Oh yeah, there's adventure here.

Ghosts, ghouls, and other supernatural malcontents simply cannot resist such a dilapidated domicile. Really. You should see what these things go for on spectral housing market. So if you're looking for a new haunt, look ye no further than yon 0one's Blueprints: The Ruined Town, The Hill of the Haunting Spectre .

With "haunting" and "spectre" right there in the name, you know you're in for an awesome night. You, uh, you did bring proton packs, right?

-- Fox Barrett

June 18, 2008: Breaking The Mold

I could take the easy route with Monster Bash. I could just roll into Bobby Pickett's lovable chestnut "Monster Mash." But no! I shall not. I shall bring to this news piece more creativity than simply clinging to popular culture as a literary life-preserver. I shall rise above my limitation. Stand back, world, and watch me write.

. . . Hang on. I, uh . . . It'll come to me. Um . . .

Okay, yeah, I got nothing.

-- Fox Barrett

June 17, 2008: Blackdirge Sale!

One of our newest additions to the e23 family is running a sale, which is timing we couldn't make more perfect if we had an ancient Arabian lamp. If you've been curious about Blackdirge Publishing but can't justify cracking open the piggy bank just yet, well, prepare to have your money-saving excuses rent asunder.

From now until June 22nd, all Blackdirge products are 30% off! Or, for the optimists out there: all Blackdirge products are 70% on! Or would that be "for the pessimists," since you'd be spending more money if you look at it as a "glass half full" situation . . . oh dear, I think I need to lie down now.

Bah, my inane gibbering is unimportant. What's important is that big bucks, important bucks, your bucks stand to be saved if you do your Blackdirge shopping this week.

-- Fox Barrett

June 16, 2008: Unlife's A Lich

Say you've turned yourself into a magically charged skeleton. You're now immortal, mostly invincible, and don't require the usual mammalian necessities of roof-over-head and food-in-stomach. Now what?

Now you go jaunting about the realms and planes that dominate the fantasy landscape, that's what! That's how Blackdyrge saw it. Sure, he could have gone all Skeletor on some band of beefy, sword-swinging, holier-than-thou do-gooders, but who wants to spend an eternity like that? Would you really want to spend decade after mind-numbing decade yelling "curses!" and "next time!" and "get them, you fools!" over and over again? If you weren't insane before your skinless debut, you certainly will be afterwards.

So, Blackdyrge did something constructive with his time, and now you benefit. Blackdyrge's Bestiary: the definitive guides to . . . well, darn near everything that walks, crawls, or shambles between dimensions.

-- Fox Barrett

June 15, 2008: I Don't Get It

Is it some kind of "pen is mightier than the sword" deal? I'm not sure why I should give a hoop about some hero's ink. Did he write a really important note or something? "Buy milk, take cat to vet, save world?"

Really, they should give you more to - oooooooh, Heroes Inc. As in, "incorporated." That makes much more sense.

Wait, or does it? Are they worried about getting sued? Y'know, maybe if they didn't trod about town like elephants, causing more collateral damage than a 2-year-old with an artillery cannon, they wouldn't need to seek protection from prosecution. A little discretion goes a long way.

-- Fox Barrett

June 14, 2008: If You Don't Throw Your Meat . . .

. . . you can't throw any pudding! How can you throw any pudding if you don't throw your meat?!

Throwing food at one another is a long honored pastime of psychopaths school children everywhere. There's something viscerally satisfying about hurling creamed corn at your most hated of grade school enemies from behind the cover of your best friend's lunch tray. The faculty doesn't seem to agree, but then, what do they know?

Well, I will concede that they do have a point about the whole "mess" thing. And now that we're all responsible adults (we are all responsible adults here, right?), we really should start seeing things the fuddy-duddy mature way. So, as an alternative to paying an outlandish dry cleaning bill after your next get-together, I humbly suggest you play Food Fight, Mini-Game #13 the next time you have an urge to start wielding comestibles.

-- Fox Barrett

June 13, 2008: BlOps!

GURPS BlOps, no less. Hee hee hee hee heeeeeee . . .

A silly book is deserving of a silly, I think, and GURPS Classic: Black Ops is most certainly a silly book. When I see a character with 150 points, I'm impressed. When it's 250 points, I'm amazed. When it's 650, I have to take my hat off for a moment and scratch my head. Just what the heck could someone do with 650 points (provided, of course, their goal is not to leap tall buildings in a single bound)? The answer seems to be "make the biggest, baddest, Tom Clancyest man in black on the block."

I learned something useful, too! It turns out skills aren't particularly expensive when you've got your IQ at 20.

-- Fox Barrett

June 12, 2008: 150% More Spandex Than Regular Heroes!

Why settle for run-of-the-mill heroes when you can get Comic Book Heroes?

You shouldn't!

. . . I uh . . . I don't actually have any supporting arguments. You'll just have to take my word for it on this one. Sorry.

-- Fox Barrett

June 11, 2008: Sell-Swords Do Not Sell Swords

Which, I dunno, always struck me as kinda weird.

But, before I get off on another bizarre tangent, I need to tell you about the game! Heroes for Hire, Mini-Game #39 takes professional heroing and steps back to the managerial level. Instead of doing all the drudgery of stabbing orcs and taking their orcy things, you sub-contract the problem to a few half-wits with halberds.

And while less exciting, it does seem to me the best way to, oh, I don't know, live longer.

-- Fox Barrett

June 10, 2008: This Game Rocks

Or, rather, it has rocks in it. Well, it features rocks thematically. Doesn't actually come with rocks. I suppose you could gather some rocks instead of printing out the counters. And chisel the little symbols on 'em. But that would really be a lot of work. Not to say the game isn't, y'know, worth putting time into or anything. I'm sure it's a great game. I just think that's a lot of time and effort for something that's supposed to be a simple leisure time activity. Unless, of course, you like doing that sort of thing. And there's nothing wrong with that!

Um . . . kinda lost my train of thought . . .

Ah, yes - buy Runes. Cause, uh, 's fun 'n stuff.

-- Fox Barrett

June 9, 2008: Hey, Back At, Ya, Pal!

Well! I was going to say something nice about Paper Miniatures: Modern Civilians II Set, but that fellow on the cover has made his feelings about me quite clear.

Ha-rumph!

-- Fox Barrett

June 8, 2008: Gargantuan Roving Death Machines Of Doom . . . "Lite?"

Sure, it could happen. Just because something is the size of a tipped-over building doesn't mean it need be heavy.

Although, they are heavy, but this is a "lite" version of the "heavy," um . . .

Okay, let me start over. Hey, Ogre fans! Check it out! Ogre Miniatures Lite is now available for download. Is it a precursor of things to come? Is this a herald for a fuller, bolder, and dare I say sassier set of rules? Perhaps. In the meantime, enjoy this free (as in beer) version of everyone's favorite game of big honkin' tanks.

-- Fox Barrett

June 7, 2008: Old, Dead People And The Places They Liked To Live

Babylon. Atlantis. The Place Socks Go. Their secrets long lost to the ages, sites such as Stonehenge and the Plains of Nazca hold us all in wonder and capture the imagination. They also make us stand around scratching our collective heads saying, "Huh?"

GURPS Classic: Places of Mystery systematically pulls away a little bit of that "huh?" so that generic adventurers might have a universe of fun. Globe hop on a quest to unravel some ancient puzzle or just drop one or two into your campaign to delightfully baffle your players. Either way, the ancients have been greedy with their secrets far too long. Time to go wrench those secrets from their hands while screaming "Mine! Mine! Mine!" and hitting them with a piece of rebar.

. . . Or, yeah, I guess you could ask nicely . . . Still like my rebar idea, though.

June 6, 2008: International Butt-Kicking School

Would you like to punch people in the face? Of course, we all do!

Kung-Fu U is now offering classes in Paralyzing Strikes, Stabbing People With Big Knives, Roundhouse-Kicking People In The Face, Kicking People While They Are Down, Kicking, Punching, Headbutting, Stabbing People With Small Knives, TV/VCR Repair, and much more!

Operators are standing by!

-- Fox Barrett

June 5, 2008: Two For One

With Steel and Glory, you don't get just steel or just glory. There's a twofold strike, a one-two punch if you will, containing a copious serving of carbonified iron chased with a powerful sense of self-worth.

A shampoo/conditioner of the fantasy battlefield.

So grab a friend. This is more than one person alone can face.

-- Fox Barrett

June 4, 2008: Part Three: The Thirdest Part Ever

Traveller – The New Era: Guilded Lilly 3 Into the Darkness makes a trilogy out of the adventures Guilded Lilly and Belly of the Beast. Three is the number of adventures in the series, and the adventures in the series shall number three.

Otherwise, that would kinda rock the whole "trilogy" boat. "Hey, check out this trilogy, it has four books in it!" "You crazy." See? Doesn't work. You make three books, you stop, and everyone is satisfied.

Anything else will just end in tears.

-- Fox Barrett

June 3, 2008: *Thud* *Bonk* *Crash*

Ow!

100 Dark Places. A word of advice? Bring a flashlight. Like that little dude on the cover.

I'm just sayin'.

-- Fox Barrett

June 2, 2008: Well, Ask A Silly Question . . .

What do you do when you've got massive collections of space-faring vessels floating about in the inky blackness with lots of time on their hands? Noooo, you don't organize a game of galactic billiards. No, you don't play interplanetary Hide and Go Seek.

Oh for -- no, you don't play Space Macro Polo! You make them shoot one another!

Here, Space Armada, Mini-Game #17 will make everything clear.

-- Fox Barrett

June 1, 2008: You And Your Shadow

Dark Dungeon is a dungeon-diving game for you and your best friend: that +2 sword of ogre-thwomping. Yes, it's you, all alone in the dark.

Well, not all alone.

There's that fellow behind you with the axe, for one.

-- Fox Barrett

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