e23 News Archive: July 2008

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July 31, 2008: Everything Is Better With Zombies

New World Disorder: Zombie Apocalypse! gives New World Disorder the zombie-filled shot in the arm it needed. For you see, all things need zombies. Even things that have zombies could stand to have a couple more zombies in 'em.

Really, it's not so much that things are improved by featuring zombie so much as it is that all things born into this universe have an intrinsic zombie-shaped hole. Zombies are just waiting to be plugged in. Think about it. Think about anything you enjoy, anything you love. Now picture that exact same thing . . . with zombies.

See?

-- Fox Barrett

July 30, 2008: I Am Easily Confused

0one's Blueprints: The Ruined Town, The Lone Orc Sighting Tower presents us with a unique situation. It's a ruined tower, with a single ghostly orc. Now, orcs are only good for one thing: serving as a combat road-bump between you and the treasure.

But this is a ghostly orc. He's pre-killed. While that may seem quite convenient, like some sort of prepackaged snacky treat, it is actually quite troublesome. You can't kill him, so you can't take his stuff. And you can't do this because he's already dead. But if you can't kill him -

And now my head is all muzzy. . .

-- Fox Barrett

July 29, 2008: Only Mostly Apocalypse'd

The world isn't dead, as such. It's just, y'know . . . in rough shape.

Okay, so the world as presented in Ave Molech Second Edition is one of those "but I wouldn't want to live there" places. So people use words like "ruin" and "devastation" and "unfathomably bleak and pointless existence." But that doesn't mean there isn't fun to be had! There's cities to rebuild, civilizations to piece together, societies to be --

. . . aw who am I kidding. There's monsters and bad guys, and they need to be dealt with apocalyptic-steampunk-Wild-West style. The reason you want to be here should now be delightfully obvious.

-- Fox Barrett

July 28, 2008: On Orphans

When you're a little kid, everything is scary. It's probably part of the survival instinct. You? Small. Everything? Big. Big is bigger than small. Big also has a nasty tendency eat small. Usually this is counteracted by the whole "two big people made me and they'll keep the monsters at bay" situation tiny people are born into.

So what happens when you don't have two big people to beat back the ever encroaching darkness? Something along the lines of The Dreadful Secrets of Candlewick Manor. It's a strange little setting for Mosnters and Other Childish Thigns that features sad orphans, their sad lives, and the hilariously sad adventures they go on.

I don't know about you, but any book that lists Twin Peaks and The Adventures of Pete and Pete as inspiration has my full and undivided attention.

-- Fox Barrett

July 27, 2008: Ramblings. Also Tiles.

Tiles. They need designing. They just do. It's a law of nature, I am certain. Elsewise, we would have not products such as Tile Designer: Wilderness Pack #1. Tiles, undesigned, could not form such a thing.

Or perhaps . . . could it be that, in fact, these are tiles for designing? Is it instead that designs need tiles, lest they exist not? Why, that would change everything! Up is down, black is white, stuffing is potatoes!

Aw, but who cares about all that. Just buy the PDF.

-- Fox Barrett

July 26, 2008: Psst!

Need an art fix? I got just the thing for you. Pozas Art Pack: Fantasy vol. 10 - Locales. If you need a picture of, y'know, a locale, this set should do ya nicely.

If you're looking for pictures of something else, eh, you're out of luck this time.

And if you're looking for cantaloupes . . . buddy, you're so far off base that I don't even know where to start.

-- Fox Barrett

July 25, 2008: The Future, Powered By Awesome

Attention all space travelers! Attention all space travelers! This is Earth Base E-23. Please stand by for an important announcement.

GURPS Tales of the Solar Patrol has landed! Strap on that bubble helmet, grab your zapgun, and get into that jumpsuit, because it's the 2008 of the 1950s once again. Men are men! Women are women! Sentences have more exclamation points per hour than any other era, ever!

Remember, it's a future powered by a fourth grader's understanding of science. That "plasmo-vector neutrino engine" works. Don't question it. Just stick it in your space rocket, assemble your space crew, and go fight those space pirates! In space!

-- Fox Barrett

July 24, 2008: I'm Easy To Please

I wouldn't buy Advanced Adventures #5: The Flaming Footprints of Jilanth because it's for OSRIC. I wouldn't buy it because it's a well written adventure from the folks at Expeditious Retreat. I wouldn't buy it because it's a mere six dollars, American. I wouldn't even buy it because I enjoy exciting stories about transparent pirates terrorizing hapless citizens.

No, I would buy it because it has a big angry ape on the cover. Look at him. All grimacey and stuff, with his arms up in the air. He's an ape and clearly he's upset about something. Maybe that's poison ivy he's standing in or something, I dunno. He's angry and he's an ape. Sold.

Advanced Adventures: something for everyone.

-- Fox Barrett

July 23, 2008: Heroes Heroes Everywhere

And not an orc to stab. (Sorry Coleridge.)

A whole slew - nay, a congeries - of Disposable Heroes has marched upon e23 and claimed it as their own. Not one, not two, but three sets of Cyberpunk minis were among their number. Flanking this brigade of 80s-inspired mohawk wielders were a gaggle of HARP and Rune Stryder flatfolk.

And now, all that stands between them and you is your credit card. I trust you know what to do.

-- Fox Barrett

July 22, 2008: Whoopsie

We blew up the world again.

Well, now that there's no Internet, no TV, no entertainment of any sort, there's only one rational recourse left open to us. Let's beat the tar out of one another. Let's create a New World Disorder, if you will.

Because it's either shooting at the mutant horde Uncle Stewart banded together or stand around staring at the dilapidated remains of society until our eyes slip from their sockets and jump off a cliff. Your call.

July 21, 2008: Packs. (Protons Sold Separately.)

The Ghostories Enhancement Pack and Ghostories Classics Pack have a very powerful message. And that message is this, friends:

Your Ghostories game is incomplete! Yes, it's a hard fact to face, but stand bravely before this declaration, ye of the ghostly interests. For you can rectify this situation with great ease.

Simply purchase the above two PDFs and once again your life will at last be whole, complete, fulfilled.

-- Fox Barrett

July 20, 2008: Well, No Wonder The Tin Roof Rusted

See, 'cause they're called the Saltshacks, and salt water . . . on metal . . . oxidization . . . um, Saltshack baaaaaby! Saltshack, baby, Salt . . . shack.

0one's Blueprints: The Great City, The Saltshacks. Just, um . . . just go buy it and forget I tried to make a joke using a song by the B-52's.

Please.

-- Fox Barrett

July 19, 2008: Doom-Doom, Doom-Doom-Doom, Doom

Puny humans! Your feeble Internet is feeble and puny when compared to the glorious wonder of the Jerkian Empire! Kneel before us, for your impending doom shall see this pathetically blue-green orb reduced to an even more pathetic pile of ash! Though not much more pathetic.

In the meantime, you may amuse your laughably minuscule brain meats with Invaderz. It is a roleplaying simulation of what we, the mighty army of the Jerkian Empire, shall do to this miserable speck of putrid matter called "Earth." Look upon its pages and despair - despair! - for it foretells of your laser-filled downfall!

We will rule you all! Ah-hah-ha-hahhah-hah-haaaaa!

-- Fox Barrett

July 18, 2008: A Little Perk-Me-Up

One. Loneliest number no more. We've got a book here, folks, and one is the number of the day. One character point is all it will cost you to to give your character that little certain something that makes 'em Cool. Or, at least, fill out those remaining three character points.

GURPS Power-Ups 2: Perks a book with entries like "No Hangover," "One-Armed Bandit," and "Dramatic Death." How can you pass on a book like that? You can't! Its impossible! See how you're still here, at the computer, reading this? There's your proof right there, my friend. Okay, okay, if you truly need more convincing, one more word:

"Doodad."

-- Fox Barrett

July 17, 2008: For The Art Disinclined

I don't do art. I point the pen at the sheet of paper, the two look at each other, kinda shrug, and turn to me as if to say "now what?" I sorta wave my other hand in a circle and say "I dunno, improvise." The result is never pretty.

In fact, I'm actually wanted dead or alive in Utah because of it.

Anyway, the point is, I understand the pain of my fellow non-artists out there. And so does Blackdirge. Blackdyrge’s Portfolio: Warriors I is their answer to the problem. Me? I'm just gonna avoid Utah for a while.

-- Fox Barrett

July 16, 2008: Communication

You! In front of the computer screen! Yes, you. Hi there! Okay, I got your attention? Great. That'll make this so much easier.

There's a couple new Mini-Games up on this little website of ours. One would be Dept 13, Set 2, Mini-Game #66. The other would be Heroes Inc, Mystic Pain, Mini-Game #65.

And you would be the nice person who's going to head over to checkout and purchase these fine purchaseables. Wouldn't you? If I have to beg, it will be most embarrassing for both of us, I assure you.

-- Fox Barrett

July 15, 2008: I'm Back, Bay-Beh

Hey! Don't throw things! I bring wondrous treasures from the Orient!

And by "bring" I mean "someone else uploaded this file while I was on vacation." And by "Orient" I mean "Hans-Christian Vortisch's headplace." And by "wondrous treasure" I mean GURPS High-Tech: Pulp Guns, Volume 2. Hey, one out of three ain't bad.

And as for my time away . . . well, it was a thrilling experience fraught with peril, romance, adventure, melodrama, fantastic vistas, and the sort of exciting and poignant soundtrack that wins Oscars. Kind of like the pulps, actually. Unfortunately, I tripped over some fnords along the way, so you guys are so not cleared for any of it. Which most certainly is not a cover for the fact that I sat around playing Metal Gear Solid 4 and watching Battlestar Galactica all week.

-- Fox Barrett

July 14, 2008: "C" Is For "Conspiracy"

And that's good enough for the Secret Masters. But this particular web of secrets is a little smaller in scale than the whole "We Rule This World (And Probably A Few Others)" thing the All-Seeing Pyramid Heads are rolling with. No, in fact, it doesn't stretch beyond a single school district.

But hey, when you're a little kid, that's plenty big enough. Good thing you brought your monster with you.

Curriculum of Conspiracy takes you inside Spring Crescent Middle School and shows you the seedy underbelly of this supposedly upstanding establishment. It then shows you that seedy underbelly's seedy underbelly. Which, incidentally, I'm not quite sure how you manage without 5th dimensional physics, but there you have it. Anyway, it's wheels within wheels, monsters within backpacks, and fun within 60 pages. Enjoy.

-- Fox Barrett

July 13, 2008: Eye? Aye. Aieee!

Eyes. We've all got two of 'em (those of us not of pirately persuasion, anyway). We've all heard about how they're "the window to the soul." They are, indeed, an integral part of our not-so-extra sensory perception.

So why, then, are they just so darn creepy? Have you ever just looked at an eye? Particularly if it's just the eye without all those helpful noses or mouths to round out the visual? Brrr! Spooky.

While you're certainly welcome to visit Lands of Nevermore: The Eye, I will stand safely back here. Under my bed. With a shotgun. Filled with anti-ghost bullets.

-- Fox Barrett

July 12, 2008: A Vicious Cycle (Also, A Pozas Art Pack!)

Pozas Art Pack: Fantasy vol. 9 - Cityscapes? Oh yeah. We got that.

Why? Who said we didn't? "Nobody?" What do you mean "nobody?" Somebody must have said it, or else we wouldn't be talking about it.

"Paranoid?" Me? Who told you I was paranoid?!

-- Fox Barrett

July 11, 2008: Instant GM!

Just add dice!

Not everyone has a readily available game master. Some might have a game master that isn't . . . "compatible." Still others might just be sick of GMing themselves but are surrounded by only players. To all these (and more!) Expeditious Retreat Press offers salvation (or, at least, a reasonable simulation thereof).

1 on 1 Adventures #11: Unbound Adventures is, itself, a game master! Oh sure, it's cleverly disguised as a series of tables, and it might not pass a Turning test (really, how many GMs do you know that would?), but that doesn't make it any less GMly.

-- Fox Barrett

July 10, 2008: On Needs

If enough was, in fact, "enough," we wouldn't need expansion packs for things. And buddy, let me tell you something: we need expansion packs. Sure, maybe I need them more than you need them, but what do you expect? I'm a Corporate Shill. It's how I keep from living under a bridge. (Fun fact: that whole "troll attacking people from under the bridge" thing? Yeah, turns out that doesn't work so well on an interstate overpass.)

Look, seriously, I don't want to go back under that bridge. Please buy something.

-- Fox Barrett

July 9, 2008: One Lone Monk And His Army Of Armies

One Monk Miniatures makes, as you could probably guess, miniatures. But not, as you might also guess, just miniatures of a single monk. Au contraire, I would say to you, were I French. I'm not, so I won't say it, but I totally would if I was from Bordeaux or something. No, friend, this guy is himself but one monk, and his minis are manys.

Dig this: the Heroic Fantasy line has everything from bandits to brigands (important distinction there!) for your fantasy gaming habit.

Feel more "blaster rifle" than "bastard sword rifle?" Well, friend, The One True Monk has your back there, too. Heroic Sci-Fi has aliens that crawl, robots that are also skeletons, and enough space marines to feed them that even your most ravenous hordes shall satiate themselves.

-- Fox Barrett

July 8, 2008: Go Tell It On The Mountain

No, seriously. Go. I'll wait.

Bits of the Wilderness: Into the Mountains is just the sort of thing we basement-dwelling agoraphobes need. If you've only seen mountains on the Discovery Channel, you might be at a loss at the gaming table when breaking down the terrain for your players. I have learned that "Uh . . . tall" just doesn't quite cut it. In fact, they started throwing things.

Anyway, get the book. You'll love it. Even if you're nothing like me at all and actually know what the sky looks like. Seriously, is it, like, blue, or what? I've heard rumors, but you know how the Internet can be.

-- Fox Barrett

July 7, 2008: With Or Without

Without a book like Covenants, you won't know how to gather together, organize, and focus the efforts of all these big-headed magi.

Without a book like Ancient Magic, you won't have the sorts of dark arcane secrets needed to keep them interested in seeking greater power rather than throwing fireballs and hail storms at one another.

Without either book, you won't really have much of an Ars Magica game at all. And that simply will not do!

-- Fox Barrett

July 6, 2008: Prague, Painting, Partnership

Sorry, I was stuck for a word that started with a "P" and meant "two things working together in concert." Clever is for next time.

Unknown Armies and d20 have quite a bit in common. They are, for example, both RPGs. And, ah, they both have dice. And, strangely, both remind me of the sweet smell of gram's old-fashioned home-made apple and buzzard pie. Which is weird because I don't even have a sense of smell. Lost it in a bizarre (yet highly amusing) welding accident.

Wait, I lost my train of thought . . . oh, right. Ascension of the Magdalene is a two-pronged attack on your players, offering both Unknown Armies and d20 as rule sets for this most adventurous of adventures. "Two books in one?" Brother, there ain't no other way to say it.

-- Fox Barrett

July 5, 2008: Vacation: Woo Hoo!

That's right, kind consumers! I am taking a genuine, accept-no-substitutes vacation this week. I will be out of the office from July 7th-11th, returning rested and rejuvenated on Monday, July 14th.

But fear not, gentle consumer! During my absence my employees will struggle to carry on without me. It shall be a dark time in their lives, but I have every faith that they will survive.

Of you, I ask only one thing: please, be patient and forgiving of these poor fellows as they labor valiantly to function in a world without my shining presence. For they may be a bit slower to respond.

(Hey, what about me? Yeah, I'm going to be out of the office, too. You'll still see all my inane zany reasonably adequate news pieces every day while I'm gone. I just won't be here to respond to questions. See ya later, folks!)

July 4, 2008: E23 Download Issues Appear Resolved

For the last three weeks, e23 has been suffering from unfortunate and seemingly random connection issues which prevented some customers from downloading their files.

Reports of this problem have declined sharply since last Friday afternoon, and several customers have told us that their existing problem appears to have corrected itself. As of right now, we think we believe that we have an all-clear signal!

If you find that you are disconnected before your download can complete on multiple occasions, please let us know!

July 3, 2008: The PDF Of Tomorrow . . . Today!

I return from the far future of a couple months from now to bring you . . . GURPS Thaumatology!

Yes, this chronomislocated tome has journeyed back in time so that it might allow GURPS fans a glimpse into the future of magic. But be wary, ye who seek the forbidden knowledges of That Which Has Not Yet Come To Pass. We can accept no responsibility for any temporal distortion this may cause to your hard drive. If you find your OS suddenly thinks it's 1437 AD, don't say we didn't warn you!

. . . On the other hand, it could be possible that we just decided that, for this particular book, we're going to release the PDF before we release the hardcover version. It could be, but man, where is the fun in so pedestrian an explanation?

-- Fox Barrett

July 2, 2008: Repent! Repent!

The end is nigh! Or, at least, that's what Goodman Games told me. And if I can't believe They Who Impart Upon Us The Most Classic Of Dungeon Crawls, then who can I believe?

So, since the world is coming to a horrible, fiery end Goodman has decided to discontinue its 3.5 Dungeon Crawl Classics line, all the DCC are now half off! Yes, news so exciting it warrants an exclamation point! In fact, I think I'll give it two!!

That's right folks, I'm so excited and I just can't hide it. It's like a DC 40 for me at this point. So go on, dungeon lovers. There's never been a better time to stock up on the quintessential dungeon experience. In fact, once this sale is over, these books are gone for good. So you better hurry, though not just because of the limited life-span on these guys. If you don't flee soon, I'm likely to break the Three Exclamation Point Barrier and start dipping into used-car salesman territory.

-- Fox Barrett

July 1, 2008: The Devil. You Know?

If you don't know, then I would like to recommend Realms of Power: The Infernal. I would further like to mention that this book is no mere list of malevolent malcontents that plague the good people of Mythic Europe. No, it covers all manner of dastardly doings from the land of H-E-double-hockey-sticks.

Not that your covenant would ever have dealings with such beasts, right? You do realize that they are The Enemy, to be bested when possible and thoroughly avoided at all other times, right? You understand that, no matter how enticing their offer, how magnificent their appearance, they are simply trying to drag you and everything else down to the fiery depths, right?

Right? Hey, put down that apple and listen to me!

-- Fox Barrett

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